Alleged Robbery

Gloucestershire Police are today investigating a claim from a Mr Wise, originally a cockney barrow boy, but now giving his address as West Yorkshire, that three points were removed from his grasp in or around the vicinity of Whaddon Road yesterday afternoon.

Mr Wise claims to have just taken his eye off the points for a second, when they were snatched away, and says the culprit appeared to have a scouse accent.

However, the police have since interveiwed 7043 witnesses who state that in fact the points were not stolen, but given away by Mr. Wise, who allowed them to be placed into an area of the field where he had just removed any semblence of a co-ordinated midfield, and from where they were seen being kicked into any empty onion bag, while the designated security guard (one David Lucas) was elsewhere.